Are These 3 Common Mistakes on Your Dating App Profile Holding You Back?

The 3 Biggest Mistakes Holding You Back in Finding Love On Dating Apps… And How To Fix Them

By Phoebe Rogers

Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist, Women's Dating & Relationship Coach

Woman's dating profile on a dating app

There is nothing I love more than helping women find love. And there’s nothing more that these women (tend to) dislike than dating apps. And I get it; swipe culture can be exhausting and deflating,, and you can end up feeling completely devalued. Often fleeting transactions on dating apps can impact our sense of self and how we feel about others.

As much as I understand these concerns, I still hold a lot of gratitude for dating apps. Yes, you heard me right. I’m an introverted professional, in a female dominated industry, and I don’t tend to hang out in bars or clubs. I’m forever grateful that I met my gorgeous partner on Hinge back in May 2022. And we’ve been ‘appily together ever since.

Part of the relationship and dating coaching service that I offer women involves an audit of their online dating profile. When I’m looking at these profiles, it is through many lenses: that of a Clinical Psychologist, Dating Coach, Couples Therapist, and human who found her person online.

Here are my observations about the biggest mistakes women make when creating a dating profile for a dating app that are holding them back from finding love with a healthy, secure partner.

Whether your app of choice is Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Happ’n, Plenty of Fish, or E-Harmony, here are my top 3 mistakes:

1.        You Don’t Clearly State What You’re Looking For

There’s nothing wrong with saying you want a long-term relationship. Own it!

If you don’t state your relationship desires and intentions, you put yourself at risk of meeting emotionally unavailable, wishy-washy matches who aren’t sure of what they want. And that just leads to frustration and pain.

I encourage all my clients to state exactly what they’re seeking in a specific and direct way. For example, I’m seeking a long-term relationship with a partner who values meaningful conversation, sharing the highs and lows of life, and is comfortable in their own skin.

Another way to express you’re serious about wanting a relationship?

Whilst my partner’s profile did not state exactly what he was looking for, his profile expressed he was a good listener and communicator; this showed a level of seriousness about building a real connection with someone.

I highly recommend you highlight your best relationship qualities. Which leads me to mistake number 2.

2.        You Don’t Clearly Show Who You Are

I’ll never forget my dating days, and the profile that expressed “I like Olives”. My first thought? “That’s nice, but I don’t know anything about you, what you value, how your friends describe you, your personality, temperament, and relationship qualities.

Too many of us stay generic when using dating apps, and I’ve often seen this create doubt in the viewer about how serious you actually are about dating to find a relationship. You’ll leave yourself prone to too many left swipes.

I often use the analogy of marketing a niche product or service. The more specific you are about who you are and what you stand for, the more likely you are to attract matches you are looking for someone exactly like you.

Try sharing how your friends describe you, your temperament, challenges you’ve faced and overcome, your life direction, what you’re like first thing in the morning, what type of traveller you are.

Dating app voice prompts are also an incredible tool to express yourself. And finally....

3.        You Don’t Clearly Express Your Vulnerability

As a Psychologist and Couples Therapist, I know that humans connect and bond when emotions and vulnerability are present. When you share a difficult experience or big life lesson, connection deepens. So be sure to show your softness, vulnerability, and humanity as you begin to date, starting with your profile, texting, and then in real life. I promise you, it will give you a way better chance of meeting and building a genuine connection with a partner.

If you’re serious about making the most out of dating to find love, then these tips will help you attract suitable matches. And if you want more support to find love in dating, then you can contact me here.

And make sure you're on my email list for some exciting dating support offers coming your way soon. I cannot wait to share what I've been working on.

With love, Phoebe