How to Find Lasting Love by Dating

By Phoebe Rogers, Clinical Psychologist specialising in Dating & Relationships

Find Lasting Love: A 3-Step Roadmap for Modern Dating

Couple on a Date

The Struggle in Modern Dating

By the time most women come to see me, they are fed up with dating. They’re burnt out, exhausted, and sick of swiping on apps. They’ve had their fair share of disappointing dates, including being ghosted or love-bombed. As a psychologist specialising in dating and relationship coaching, I understand their pain both professionally and personally.

What is also true is that most of these women have dating patterns that are getting in their way. These patterns can include attracting the same type of emotionally unavailable match, being overly kind and being taken for granted, to denying the presence of red flags early on and pursuing an unhealthy connection.

The good news? There is a way to overcome dating burnout and cynicism and break free from the grip of unhealthy dating and relationship patterns.

All you need is some self-awareness and an action plan.

A New Dating Plan

If you keep dating in the same way, with the same approach, nothing will change. With the power of reflecting on your dating history and patterns, you can absolutely change your dating life and have success.

Here’s my proven and perfected 3 Step Plan to ensuring you find a loving partner in dating.

A couple in love

The Road to Finding Love

After many years of struggling with dating myself, and now finding a loving partner, I learnt some serious lessons. These lessons were the core ingredients to helping me find true love in dating, and now I’m going to share them with you, just as I have with countless clients.

How to Find Lasting Love In Dating:

Step One: Identify what you really want

A healthy relationship is based on shared relationship values and a life vision. It is about supporting each other’s dreams. Before you get caught up in a new relationship, you need to assess whether your new match or partner actually aligns with your life, dreams, goals and vision.

You must go after what you truly desire in dating, and screen this sooner rather than later.

Step Two: Identify your past patterns

Now, this bit can feel really hard. However, what I know to be true is that most women have patterns in their partner choices; this could look like:

-keeping quiet to avoid being rejected or alone

-choosing an emotionally unavailable or immature match

-settling and compromising on important values such as time together

-denying red flags and accepting inconsistent communication, plans and behaviour

-people-pleasing and accommodating unacceptable behaviour

-looking for chemistry, rather than a slow, steady, and healthy connection that is built over time

-being guarded, and closed off, and therefore failing to build a relationship with a foundation of vulnerability and trust

It is from genuine accountability and self-reflection upon our dating and relationship history, that you can choose differently.

Step Three: Develop self-trust to choose a healthy partnership

Too many of us lack confidence in our dating decisions. We can mistrust a new relationship that is actually healthy (and providing stability and security). Or we deny our inner anxiety or gut feelings communicating that something feels 'off', because we are being driven by our longing for love and connection.

This lack of self-trust and confidence in dating comes from denying our inner feelings and sensations. We're simply not listening to our inner world.

This lack of self-trust also comes from having our voice, beliefs and feelings dismissed or invalidated in other relationships.

This lack of self-trust comes from listening to those voices of others, perhaps to please or accommodate them, rather than listening to our own feelings.

Listening to our feelings can be confusing. After all, a healthy relationship can still trigger us and bring about anxious feelings. An example, may be when a consistent partner or match has to change plans. We may begin to feel anxious and worried, and this is understandable, particularly if we have been hurt or let down in past relationships.

Here's what to look out for:

A new partner's efforts to understand your hurt feelings or disappointment, should help your anxiety settle over time. Thoughtful actions, empathy, and making amends will support you to feel calm in dating.

Inconsistent actions in a new match will heighten your anxiety. Listen to these feelings, and how they are felt in your body- notice what external dating situations and behaviours they may be linked to.

Cultivating this self-awareness is key in finding a healthy, loving, emotionally available partner. Look for a settled body and calm in the presence of another.

A couple in love

Finding A Loving Partner in Dating is Possible

If you use these 3 important steps:

 -identifying your relationship values, desires and needs

-understanding & owning your relationship patterns & choosing differently

-self-awareness of dating triggers & bodily sensations to develop self-trust

then finding a loving, healthy, partner in dating is easier. In fact, so many of my clients have found love with a reciprocal, kind partner using this exact process.

If You're Ready to Find Love

If you’re ready to farewell dating fatigue and finally meet your person (the one who makes you feel loved and prioritised), then I’m sharing my exact process with you in my new course, Roadmap to Love (to be released mid-December 2024). There's still time to find love this year!

Simply contact me here, and put the word ‘roadmap’ in the form, and I’ll add you to the waitlist for the course. Waitlist will receive a very special offer and bonus.

With love