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Need Help With Your Dating Life?
All the Details on Seeing A Psychologist Who Specialises in Dating
By Phoebe Rogers, Clinical Psychologist specialising in Dating & Relationships
The Human Longing for Love
One thing I know about humans is that most of us want love: we seek love, we want to be loved, and we long for a partner to love and share life with.
Yet, it’s something too many of us struggle with. When I reflect upon my work with clients, they all present with relationship issues to work through. They’ve been struggling with dating apps for years, they’ve had a history of choosing dysfunctional and emotionally unavailable partners, they have experienced grief watching friends settle down with a partner - and they want that for themselves.
I know their pain all too well.
I Needed Help With My Dating Life
For years, I struggled within my romantic relationships; from deep betrayals, being blindsided when a partner suddenly left me, to walking on eggshells, silencing my voice and needs, and even losing myself.
The truth is, I had never had a truly happy and healthy relationship by the time I was 36 years old. After ending one relationship (and also calling off a wedding), I made a commitment to myself to do whatever it takes to finally find a healthy, loving relationship.
Back in 2021, I turned to the internet, searching for relationship support. Whilst I had been to therapy before, I felt it hadn’t really touched on my relationship patterns deeply enough. I needed something more.
And what struck me from my search, is that many psychologists don’t work with dating concerns specifically. It’s not something we tend to specialise in; it’s a bit taboo and unheard of. In fact, relationship counselling and therapy is not extensively covered in most of our training programs.
Fortunately, at my lowest point, I was able to connect with one Clinical Psychologist who had applied Schema Therapy to dating, relationships, and finding love. And things really shifted for me, and my clients under her guidance. You can read more about Schema Therapy here (I credit it with helping me find love).
I wanted to transform this lack of dating support available in my profession and be able to help my female clients find what they wanted; a loving, healthy relationship. And I think, who better than a Clinical Psychologist to support clients through finding love, given our expert training on attachment and bonding in relationships and relationship patterns that repeat across the lifespan (a fundamental principle of Schema Therapy).
Through applying the principles of Schema Therapy to my dating life, I learnt how to avoid unhealthy relationship dynamics and choose a healthy partner. And we’ve been happily together ever since.
And so, I decided I needed to share this wisdom with my clients.
Why See A Dating Psychologist (Like Me)
I would take my own lived experience of relationship struggles to finding a healthy, loving relationship, on a dating app no less, and weave this with my Clinical Psychology background.
So, I began to blend this lived experience with my professional expertise (studying attachment theory, couples therapy, and Schema Therapy, which is all about healing relationship wounds and choosing healthy life patterns) in order to give my clients what they needed and my industry lacks: dating expertise and support guided by the wisdom of Clinical Psychology. I like to call myself a Dating Psychologist; like a coach, I cheer you on, but with the solid Clinical Psychology framework and theoretical foundation. No gimmicks, just evidence-based science.
I have seen this method work with countless clients, and it looks like this; I assess their life patterns (Schemas) via a questionnaire- whether they fear abandonment and therefore avoid intimacy, or feel unworthy of love, and self-sacrifice in order to feel needed by their partner.
We work hard to shift the belief systems underpinning these patterns, and then I get these clients to show up differently; openly, authentically, vulnerably, dropping their guard, and actually expressing their needs.
I show them how to self-soothe and manage any anxiety that comes up in dating, so that they can keep showing up as their authentic self. This often involves some inner child work, which is so healing and supporting. Finally, I show these women how to listen to their nervous system so that they avoid red flags and learn to deeply trust in themselves and their dating decisions.
How A Dating Psychologist Can Support You to Find Love
In summary, here's how I can support you in dating as a psychologist.
I can help you:
1. Understand your patterns & relationship choices
2. Clarify how your childhood wounds are impacting you in dating present
3. Develop a dating profile that helps you create healthy connections
4. Grow your self-acceptance, self-love and vulnerability
5. Understand the behaviour of others in dating and reduce self-blame
6. Understand attachment styles in dating, their impact on partner choice, and help you develop a more secure attachment
7. Show up with less anxiety and more confidence
8. Understanding red flag behaviour in others (and ward off any love-bombers or narcissists)
9. Know how a healthy relationship feels
10. Get clear on partner choice in terms of values, shared life direction, and communication
I Need Help With My Dating Life: Why See A Dating Psychologist
The beauty of working with a Clinical Psychologist who specialises in dating is that the strategies I use aren’t superficial- they have depth and will help you heal once and for all. Most clients find that once they have these strategies in their toolkit, they have what they need from me and are well-equipped to find love in dating.
If working with a Clinical Psychologist with expertise in dating appeals to you, then there are several ways you can work with me:
I offer one on one support; you can book a brief call to discuss working with me here
I offer a women’s coaching group which focuses on providing you with a complete toolkit to heal inner wounds and find love in dating; it’s called The Complete Toolkit for Love and you can find more information here; be sure to get on the waitlist for the next group which will run in February 2025
And stay tuned for my soon to be released self-paced course, Roadmap to Love; be sure you’re on my email list for a special offer. You can sign up here (you can also access my free training, The Seen & Secure Dater via this link)
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