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Many years ago, at some point on my journey to love, I decided to write a list of traits that I was looking for in a partner; here it is to show you.
On reflection, it more looks like a list of what I felt was lacking in previous partners, and what I was truly longing for. I was looking for joy, vitality, fun, optimism, someone who loved travel as much as I did (and didn’t depend on my bank account to do it), maturity, emotional availability, and someone to nurture me. It’s a list of the things I could give to a partner and wanted to receive.
I think a lot of us women need to work on being more comfortable with receiving, and learning that a healthy, masculine partner, will want to give to us. A healthy partner will recognise what we provide to them (vulnerability, empathy, belief, love, nurturing) and will reciprocate freely. I see that there is more I could add to the list, but it is a good start.
Wiser me would now add ‘can give me a feeling of safety and security, ‘can talk things through and sees us as a team’. I would also realise that whilst the list helped guide me, being surer of myself and what I deserve was what I needed. And adult me now knows that the man of my dreams doesn’t drive a car, but he takes Ubers to where I am, and respects my desire to not drive when I’m tired. Sometimes the list changes, and that is perfectly ok, because we’re growing all the time.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the ‘list’.
